It's Friday so we wanted to send a little shout-out to the guy you will see everywhere; the quintessential chode who continues to provide fodder for humorists everywhere:
Bobby Quick related a first-person close call earlier this week and due to that post and other repeated references to various instances of douchebaggery, reader-fan RexManningDay and even the good folk over at The Phat Phree provided the following to help us commemorate the infamy of The Chaach and his economy-sized bag of douche...
No account on this subject would be complete without an excerpt from the original, most eloquently- and hilariously-written accounts of Le Douche: Look At My Striped Shirt!
See the full, original material at: ThePhatPhree.com
Look at my button down striped shirt! Fucking look at it! This shirt means one thing! I'm coming home with some pussy tonight! That's right! It's been a long week at the office and it's time to blow off a little steam! I am a Junior Vice President! I have business cards that say "Junior Vice President" on them! They're glossy and magnificent! Here! Have one! Take it!
My boys are coming out with me tonight! They all have striped shirts too!
I figure we'll kick off the night with some Golden Tee! I am going to smack the shit out of that little white ball! It's going to be so fucking loud! I'll bet I can drive that pretend golf ball 600 fucking yards tonight! I'm that fucking pumped!I can almost taste those Jager Bombs right now! I fucking love Red Bull! I put it on my God damned cereal! I'm crushing one right now!
I'm thinking about buying a boat this year!I'm gonna fight someone tonight! I pray to God someone makes eye contact with me! I will beat his ass! And God help him if he gets any blood on my striped shirt! If he does, I'll scrub it out with his dick and some bleach! I mean it!
I'm gonna grind on girls asses tonight! You heard me! When I see a group of girls dancing in a circle, I will select the most attractive one and dry hump her until it hurts! I will rub my cock against her so that she can feel my throbbing hard on!
I will valet tonight!
I will treat the valet with contempt and make sure that he knows that I am superior to him in life! I will tell him to "Take it easy on the brakes, Champ"!
RexManningDay had this to contribute, which rings true in far too many ways:
So when you're out tonight after having worked for the weekend, pay you no mind to the popped-collars, pom-aded-to-hell hairspikes, conch-shell necklaces, man-bracelets (macelets?) and general douchebagarino-osity surrounding you. Just snap a quick cell phone photo, send it in to us (or to HotChicksWithDouchebags.com) and enjoy the show.
Oh, and a word of advice: if after copious amounts of drinks you somehow find yourself at John Barleycorn or Estelle's...run like hell!