Monday, December 29, 2008

Holiday Party Etiquette

Although Christmas is now a few days behind us – those few strands of tinsel, melting santa candy, and lovehandles are still here serving as a reminder that the holidays are not officially over…YET. 

We still get to look forward to NYE (or as Chucklyn says – Amateur Night) and possibly that end of the year Holiday Party with your co-workers. Since Chucklyn and the folks here at Urban Etiquette have gone to our fair share of company shindigs, we're offering some pointers on how to handle the hellish celebration:

  • Wear something appropriate!
    Just because your boss decided at 3:00 pm to take the team out to the local Irish Pub instead of having the normal in-office cheesetastic celebration does not mean its time to run home first and change into the sequined mini and tube top combo from '99.

    Talk to your peers and see what's up. It all depends on the venue but remember you are still representing your office – so unless you work for Fredericks of Hollywood – keep it somewhat classy there champ!

  • Booze is your Frenemy
    Let's make that clear – both FRIEND and ENEMY! Chucklyn is no stranger to throwing back a few because sometimes it helps to loosen things up in front of those SVPs but be certain to swill with care.

    Don't be so relaxed that multiple items of clothing start coming off or so that you start talking about office crushes or past office conquests or - God forbid - acting upon them. Chucklyn was once luckily enough to get a cougartastic makeoutsesh between an admin and a junior exec on camera and has been holding on to it for three years…y'know, just in case.  

  • Set your Limits and plan your travel route home BEFORE the party
    We learned this the hard way. Once, after a few-too-many tequila shots at the Holiday Mixer, one thing led to another and before we knew it we were at a strip club by the airport drinking a Whiskey Sour with the sales team watching the regional manager pulling out singles from his company logo-branded money clip.

    Getting crazy and heading out to a post-party event to keep the night going with the boss may seem like a good idea when fueled by a stomach full of Jameson but when you need to discuss that TPS report with him the next day at 8:30 and you still have stripper glitter under you fingernails, you may think twice.

Rock out kids but play it cool!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Schadenfreude: How to Order a Sandwich at Jimmy Johns

Step 1: Decide what you want, and narrow your special requests (i.e. no mayo) down to two. Anything more than two will confuse the workers and you will get a completely incorrect sandwich. 

Step 2: Tell the cashier what you want (do not relax yet). 

Step 3: Repeat the last 2/3 of your order to the cashier after they wave their hand around and ask you to "hol' up hol' up" while they slowly press the keys. 

Step 4: Repeat the last 1/3 of your order to the cashier after they repeat your order back to you. Note: their repetition will be wrong and you may have to go back to step 3. 

Step 5: Pay for your sandwich, receive an incorrect amount of change. Determine whether it is wrong enough to be worth getting back in line. 

Step 6: Wait around for your sandwich while people push past you to get to the soda fountain. 

Step 7: Receive sandwich with at least one error. If you are not allergic to the error, proceed to Step 8. If you are, go back to Step 2. 

Step 8: Get your own bag and napkins, this is too confusing for the people who already cannot figure out how to make a sandwich. 

Step 9: Go back to work and spill lettuce on the keyboard writing a rant on craigslist.


Monday, December 1, 2008

Cat Etiquette from 1905 Lolcat Photo

Kitty-cat etiquette Rule #1:
First and foremost, kitty no can has cheezburger...EVER!

From THE authority in all things cat-caption-related at

funny pictures of cats with captions

This captioned cat picture postcard was found by Tracy Angulo in a Seattle antique store. Tracy tells us that the photograph is from 1905, which would make this officially the oldest cat picture with a caption, AKA lolcat, that we’ve seen.

The differences are clear. Proper grammar and a more formal tone was in vogue back then. But the similarities to modern-day kitten struggles and lolcats are amazing. ALL CAPS is still cool, but most importantly, she also no can has cheezburger. More than a hundred years later, all that’s changed is the spelling.

Evekitteh, we hope you got a good dinner.

Don't give up hope, kittehs!  Perhaps the "change" the new presidential administration can has in mind involves cheezburger stimulus packages...