Thursday, June 5, 2008

Rules of Taxi Cab Etiquette

Taking a cab should be a simple process:

1. Flag down cab
2. Enter & give destination address
3. Arrive, pay & exit

But certain factors have complicated the process. That's why we've set the record straight with these Rules of Taxi Cab Etiquette

Rule #1: My Way or the Highway

If you have a preferred route in mind, the cabbie is obligated to take it. S/he is welcome to object (preferably by offering a more efficient alternate route) but in the end, the fare's preference rules the ride. If said route is ignored and your ride subsequently takes longer / costs more, you then reserve the right to pay less than the displayed fare.

This rule also applies to an experienced cabbie "accidentally" taking a wrong turn / incorrect off-ramp that then adds additional time and cost to the trip.

Rule #2: The Red Carpet Exit

Upon arriving on any busy street, think of exiting the cab as arriving on the red carpet: you should be exiting on the sidewalk side only. Climbing across the seat may not be the most comfortable or convenient way, but this is for your safety and the safety and liability of the cabbie and other motorists.

Rule #3: First Right of Clown-Car Refusal

If you approach a waiting cab rolling five deep+, you cannot be angry if the cab refuses to take all of you in the same car. After all, it is incredibly illegal, very obvious to John Q. Law and carries a hefty fine...for the cab, not for you, slick!


Rule #4: Picture Me Rollin' - The Taxi Soundtrack

You (the fare) have the right to request a radio station, but it's the cabbie's car so unfortunately your request can be denied or ignored. However, you do have the right to dictate the volume of anything playing in the back seat during your ride.

Rule #5: Women Don't Date Cabbies

So you can just stop hitting on every fare with a vagina who enters your vehicle. See "Hitting On Women 101: Commuters" for further clarification, as the same guidelines apply.

Basically, you can tell from the first two come-ons if she's interested. So stop picking-up and start paying-attention...to the road!

Driving in two lanes, jerking across the road, ignoring turn-signal use and honking at other motorists for your own mistakes are all obvious signs that you could use some additional concentration on the actual driving process and less on your depressing attempts to snag a fare's digits.

Trust us, she's only giving you the Rejection Hotline number anyway.


2 comments:

JennRwok said...

THANK YOU! Why do cabbies hit on me all the time? Do I have "accost me" perfume or something??

Not interested!

Anonymous said...

Maybe they see the inner skank in you?