Friday, March 21, 2008

Bar-Hopping 101: Get Drink, Step Away From Bar

...a little Friday posting apropos for days like this when the only thing that may warm you up is a nice libation to wrap up the week.

Bar Hopping 101: Get Drink, Step Away From Bar

Seriously. If the place is packed and it took you forever to get your drink, please - for the love of all things holy and true, get it, pay and move the hell away from the bar already!

No Bogarting the area you just used to order your drink. The fact that it just took you ten long, cotton-mouthed minutes to get your own drink, means that your decision to block the way to the bar is a more than adequate indication of your thoroughly inconsiderate nature.

"But I'm sitting at the bar, dude." Okay. Then @*#^& sit! No need to hover near an empty chair unless you're saving it for your lady-friend. Otherwise you're just taking up prime imbibing real estate. And that's just wrong.

See Rule #68 of Modern Drunkard Magazine's timeless feature: "The 86 Rules of Boozing" by editor, publisher and drunkard god Frank Kelly Rich, whom we would gladly buy a drink (or twelve).

Other superb highlights from the kind of wisdom that can only be found at the bottom of many-a-bottle:

Rule #6
Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

Rule #28
If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

Rule #33
The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.

Rule #41
Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

Rule #54
Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.

Rule #71
The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.

Rule #72
It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

Check out the full list by clicking HERE.

Get your booze on.

Loiter after scoring your beverage. In fact, explicit effort to move out of the way will earn you not only respect but may even lead to a rare "Brink" sighting (def: "bro-drink" - when a man buys another fellow a drink).