To the Guy Who Puked All Over the Sidewalk Last night:
I was headed out at about 10:30. Even though your puke was fresh, you have to admit that's pretty early to call it a night.
You didn't just puke once. There were at least four separate and distinct puddles, each about fifteen to twenty feet apart. I decided to play puke detective, and I traced your place of origin to either waterhouse or the Paulina el stop. If you came from waterhouse, I hope none of the puke got on your striped shirt.
What blew my mind is that even though the sidewalk is bordered with grass, you chose to deposit your filth right in the center of the sidewalk. Was this an intentional "%^$# you" to all the Lakeview residents who walk down Roscoe? I saw a mother rolling her baby's stroller through your dinner this morning while I walked to the El for work.
You must be proud. Let us know when you plan to return so we can put a tarp down, you *#%*@ing slob.
*Photo courtesy of HotChickswithDouchebags.com