Friday, May 30, 2008

Stacey: As soon as I have this baby, I’m gonna get so fucked up!

Well, here I am! All set and ready to bring this little bundle of joy into this world.

Something sure has been cooking in my kitchen and baking in my oven. I can't wait to see the tiny little face of Alexa Jordyn Taylor.

How I look forward to playing with her tiny little feet and holding her in my arms for the first time.

I've been told those 3 am feedings can be hellish, but I'm sure her wails and moans will sound like that of a hungry little cherub. Through all the nausea, mood swings, and swollen breasts, I've managed to put myself in God's hands and do what's best for me and the baby. I can't wait to bless the world with her beauty.

One thing I know for sure though, is that once I have this baby, I am gonna get so fucked up!

Watch out partyland, the bitch is back!

As soon as I leave the hospital, Becky and the girls are gonna pick me and the baby up. She's already reserved one of the big yellow pub-crawl style school buses. Anyways, we're gonna drop off the kid at my mom's house, she's soooo excited about having grandchildren.

From then on, it's all chips, dips, and beers for sips! We got a driver, 5 bottles of Jaeger, and 3 cases of Miller Lite. It's gonna be fucking awesome, a true maelstorm of debauchery and regret!

On our way to T.J. Zapp's, we're totally gonna slam one of those bottles of Jaeger. And you best believe there are gonna be body shots done off my newly deflated belly! I am gonna get so blitzed, this little angel of mine will have a hangover after every time I breastfeed her!

And you better believe once I lose all this baby fat I'm gonna be slutting it up again!

Hell who knows, I might even be back in this blessed little mess, seeing that little Alexis was the product of a pair of jumper cables, a bottle of Patron, and a $50 dollar skirt. I'm sure post-pardem depression's gonna hit so hard, I won't be able to eat for days at a time! Usually when I'm feeling down, I totally lose my appetite and look like a lean little rack of lamb.

Hopefully motherhood won't change that.

When I get back to my usual pack and a half a day habit, I'll be able to substitute cigarettes for all kinds of meals. Before you know it, I'm gonna start looking like a $300 prozzie at a business convention!

But you know, being pregnant totally changes you. When I first found out I was knocked up, I totally ran up and down the stairs super fast and took like 7 shots of vodka in one hour, thinking i could kill this thing off. But now, I totally want to have this little angel.

Now that my little dreamsicle is almost here, it makes me think of how lucky I am to be a mommy, even if daddy calls me crazy and says to stop showing up at his real kids' school with letters to give him.

What matters now is that me and little Alexa Jordyn Taylor have each other, and will forever. But damn, am I gonna get shit-tay once i pop! It's gonna be the bomb, yo.

~Stacey Colangelo


ShazZzam said...

i like your style yo

Zola Jones by Jason Loper said...

Nicole Richie, is that you?