Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Bachelor Party Etiquette

After a recent foray into the realm of The Bachelor Party we are reminded that, although they should be obvious, guys are in need of some explicit guidelines for bachelor party behavior.

Basically, some'a you jamokes just don't get it.  So we'll spell it out for you in hopes that you don't blow a fellow's cover, spill the proverbial beans or downright ruin someone's marriage!

The Top Five Rules of The Bachelor Party

1. Silence is Golden
For the clueless numb-skulls: 

What happens at the bachelor party stays at the bachelor party!

The fact that this needs to be so clearly defined makes us question the very manhood of those of you who call yourselves friends of the groom-to-be.  Have you no sense of loyalty?  Of common sense? Then keep your freakin' trap shut.  Period.

2. Don't be That Guy
If you wanna mope, sulk or pout - get the hell out!  After all, the definition is contained in the term itself: Bachelor Party

Nobody's fond of a party pooper.  So if you didn't bring your A game, do The Bachelor and other party-goers a favor and don't even show up.

Exception:  A close friend in no shape to properly celebrate, is under contract to show up and buy The Bachelor a drink and a shot.  Support him first by showing your face and then, perhaps more important, by subsequently taking your sad sack home.

3. Fair Game
Think of this not only as The Bachelor's last night of "freedom," but also as his official Roast!  Get all your digs in.  His ass is fair game all night long...

4. Best Man Runs the Show
In theory, you're hoping your pal will only ever have ONE of these, so it is of the utmost importance to make it a night to remember!  It is, therefore, part of the Best Man's job to ensure that this the case.

Exception:  The Best Man sucks. Recommended alternative = wildest friend sets the agenda, other partygoers suggest & support, best man executes.

5. Bachelor Pays Nothing
Unless he personally dictated how the night is to unfold and what events / locations are to be involved, The Bachelor's expenses are to be covered all night long.

This includes at least the following: 
  • Drinks.
  • Props needed to carry out Bachelor Party challenges.
  • Lap dances.
  • Midgets.
  • Blow torches.
Follow these simple rules and a killer time will be had by all!
Photo credits:
Bachelor Party T-Shirt -
Depressed Pug -


Anonymous said...

I know Top 5 has a better ring to it than Top 6, but there is an important one I've always lived by. "No photographs after you leave your initial destination." This allows for the standard group shots at the meeting place, but keeps cameras tucked away during the "what happens at the bachelor party stays at the bachelor party" parts.

Chucklyn said...

DAMN good point and right the hell on! Perhaps we'll add a "bonus" section...and perhaps a poll is in order on this one, as even six may be too few!

Monster Librarian said...

MIDGETS! Ha ha ha...this had me laughing at work!

Also, I awarded you the Premio Dardos Award. See here:

Fun T-shirts said...

What happens at the bachelor party, DEFINITELY stays at the bachelor party, LOL! Thanks so much for the link to our shirt... I appreciate it!

Scott said...

I love your blog and I think you would appreciate my sense of humor. If I link to your blog on my blog is there any way you could return the favor? I think we could both get more exposure!

Check it out: Http://

Thanks so much