Unrelated: Bunny Money

Hahahaha...! Swearing cartoon bunnies slay us.
(but this IS actually safe for work - truly)

Nothing proves that we're true consumer whores more than the fact that a funny commercial turns us into brand ambassadors. Enjoy...

Quickie: Yelling at your children in public

Nothing interrupts our search for the perfect papaya* like a parent verbally berating a child in the produce section.

Parents: take your guidelines on this one from the guidelines about arguing in public.

DO:

Discipline your chitlins. We don't need any other public nuisances running around destroying property, peeing on things and making general mischief.

Just remember: they became little rat bastards because...well...you're an asshole.

DO NOT:

Attempt to teach your Devil Spawn a lesson in a public place. We don't want to have to stop another public lashing of a child (no...seriously).

We have enough on our record already and don't need to add Justifiable Homicide to the list just because you decided to slap your Ginger Kid around in the unmentionables section of the department store.

*Psych! ...shopping at grocery stores necessitates that we cook. We don't.

Top 5 Customer "Service" Gripes

While on-hold waiting for a customer service rep to "help" us, we thought we make use of this time to give you the offical Urban Etiquette...

Top Five Customer Service Gripes

1. Know what the hell you're talking about.
Unless you're new, learn your damned products and services before telling us what we can or cannot do / change / accomplish. If we've been a customer for 12 years and you've been a service rep for 12 minutes, we might just know a bit more than you.

2. Familiarize yourself with the term "Empathy."
And, for chrissakes, implement it! Sometimes just hearing out a complaint is half the battle. But if you brush our very real problem aside, you're creating a hostile correspondence.

Think of it this way: if it was serious enough for us to call in and spend the time to navigate the plethora of "automated system" roadblocks on your "service" line, then it's serious enough for you to express at least feigned care and understanding.

3. Don't take it out on us.
That ungrateful asshole you just spend 26 minutes arguing with? Yeah - don't know him. I'm me and this is the reason for my call.

So make with the answers already and save the attitude for those stepchildren that you'll probably be yelling at in the supermarket later tonight (hmm...another good topic).

4. Don't make us repeat our account number yet again.
Is it just us or do we find ourselves constantly keying-in account numbers and other personal information all the way through the automated system process...

...just to have to do it all over again when we finally get a live person on the line? What the hell's the point? Are all customer service calls routed through 1-800-4-SADISM first?

5. Language barriers are unacceptable.
To all of those decision-makers who outsource your customer service call centers to other countries: Fuck You.

You are the reason blood pressure rises and pulses quicken every time we realize that we need to waste a day of our lives trying to decipher just what the hell is being said over the phone from the other side of the world.

This is, in no way, meant to be racist. It is simply stupid. And counter-intuitive.

Putting someone who does not speak clear, understandable English on the phone to handle a problem too complicated for us to figure out on our own tells us that you don't care enough about your customers to address their needs in a reasonable manner.

Not to mention that it's thoroughly un-American! (fist-bumps Steven Colbert)

New Section: Unrelated

Sticking to the etiquette theme is the main focus of this site, but we've found that we have plenty more to say that we'd like to share.

Therefore, to quickly illustrate the difference betwixt an etiquette-related posting and a pop-culture posting, we've decided to add a new prefix to some of the titles of our posts:

Unrelated.

When you see that word at beginning of the title from now on, you can tell that the post will not necessarily be etiquette-related. ...just a little cheat sheet for ya. Enjoy!

Unrelated. Tuesday Fun: Showtime Photo Hunt

Television show promos have never looked so good!

Showtime has been kind enough to advertise both Weeds and Secret Diary of a Call Girl (both worthwhile shows, by the way) with sexy pinup-girl ads starring Mary-Louise Parker and Billie Piper respectively.

Yowza.

Too boot, they've added clever Web 2.0 features such as a full Wiki for each show in which fans can add photos, cast info, insider tidbits and more. It's a simple, but forward-thinking move for the Showtime execs.

We applaud not only their creative direction (did we say Yowza?), but also the fun times they've added - such as this Photo Hunt Game themed after the two shows...enjoy!