Clipping Toenails: Get a Room!

Yet again, we're amazed this is somehow not common knowledge, so let's set it straight...

Unless you look like THIS:

You shouldn't be doing THIS in public!

DO:

Trim your fingernails and toenails so you're not a dirty ho.

DO NOT:

Perform this action in public. Seriously, sicko.

Shoutout to Lori B. for the [indirect] suggestion. Good luck with your grotty office mate!

Photo sources:

Kittyface McGee from Weddingbee

Sicko McSickerton from The Straights Times Stomp

Anteater Etiquette

**Hint: they can has none.

5 Rules for Labor Day Weekend

1. Remember the Alamo

Er, the Pullman Strike. Yeah, that's what we meant. Anyway, know why we even have a holiday called Labor Day? Outsmart your hapless friends with the real-deal goods on our extended weekend:

The "Official" History of Labor Day from the U.S. Department of Labor and...

The Labor Day Wikipedia entry, including some insight such as some of President Grover Cleveland's reasons for creating the holiday and the political implications involved.

2. Travel Light

It's a three-day weekend, not a cross-continental European tour. For example: if you're traveling, take it easy on the shoes which are bulky and usually not all used anyway.

Side Note: unless you own a vagina, do not attempt to share #2 with any females traveling along. Just let it be, man. Let it be.

3. Pre-Work

This afternoon, perform (better yet, delegate!) a series of simple tasks that result in productions you can turn in on Tuesday on a staggered basis. This way, it looks as though you've been working on your first day back when you've really only been recovering.

Trust us: your boss doesn't want that effing report the day before his long weekend anyway.

4. Out of Office Messages

Set 'em now. You'll forget in your last-day-of-school haste to get the hell out the door. Don't forget the voicemail too, buck-o.

5. Don't be That Guy.

Which guy? This guy. Don't be him.

Hell, don't be this guy either:

Instead, be this guy:

And, as always, aspire to be this guy: