Saturday, May 30, 2009

Babies at the Movies

Nothing ruins the moviegoing experience more than an inconsiderate parent.
...okay, we take that back. There are definitely some things that are equally as annoying and disruptive. But wailing, crying, whining, bitching chitlins are definitely up there.

Good 'ol twitter. We can always count on you to back us up. Perhaps twitter user @twoname sums it up best:

Of course, parenthood certainly shouldn't mean you can't do anything or go anywhere. But for the sake of Pete, keep your effing kid in line! This goes for toting toddlers along anywhere including, but not limited to: libraries, sit-down restaurants and banks.

Since some of you parentals can't seem to get the idea of consideration for your fellow patrons through your thick skulls, let us simplify it for ya:

Keep your damned kids to yourself.

We don't want to hear them, we don't want to play with them, it's not "cute" or "adorable" to have them come up to our tables when we're trying to dine in peace and hey - here's an idea: if they start crying or bitching, take them the hell outside!

This handy-dandy guide is useful in all situations and we suggest that you print it out and put it in your back pocket and tell all of your parental friends. While you're at it, have them all bookmark this site. Hell, if you don't already know this stuff you could probably use the rest of our advice so you don't raise your babies to be inconsiderate assholes.

Or Ashlee Simpson fans.
Nobody likes an Ashlee Simpson fan.


Anonymous said...

Grow up and stop going to kiddie movies and you won't have that problem. True story.

TwoName said...

It was inspired by this little gem right here that plays before every movie at an AMC theater.

Tom said...

Yeah - screw kids! Why does anyone have them, anyway?? I mean, how selfish! Raising more human beings! What the f*ck?! Spending all you time/money/effort on little crying sacks of poo! Why? So you can not go on vacations, not have fun at bars, not do all those cool things?!

Oh, yeah, right, perpetuation of the species. Right. Um, the human race needs that. Well, next time your baby is crying, maybe I will offer to help out.

Chucklyn said...

Nyuck Nyuck you guys are funn - nny!

First of all, Anonymous: *ahem* Fuck You. I'll go see The Hannah Montana Movie anytime I damned well please.

Second, Tom: you're missing the point, dude.

It is for people like you that we often include the "Do" & "Do Not" sections; to clarify.

But since this humor blog has stricken you as taking a rather darker stance on human life than we intended ("A Modest Proposal," anyone?), allow me to reiterate in an alternative manner:

DOHave kids. Love them, hug them, hold them close. Teach them how to be good human beings and to "perpetuate the species." And, while you're at it, how to be courteous to their fellow man. 'Do unto others' and all of that.

DO NOTForget to teach them manners. Best to lead by example.

...which is why you damned-well should take your effing children out of the movie theater when they're crying!

And you should hold keep they away from strangers' tables in restaurants. And you should explain how to properly give the right-of-way to pedestrians when driving. And you should...aww hell, go read Good Housekeeping already or something, Tommy boy. Because I'm not going to spell it all out for you.

No Tom. We never said not to have kids and to raise them. By all means. The message here is the same as in nearly every post on this blog: just don't be an inconsiderate asshole.

;^) Thanks for reading.
See you at the movies!!

Blake K. said...

re: avoiding kiddie movies ... I don't go to a ton of movies at the theater, but I was pretty surprised to see young kids at 300 a few years back. They weren't very loud, tho, since their mouths were hanging open at the gore, T&A and let's not forget the orgy scene.

VV said...

Totally agree with Chucklyn. I think something has gone wrong when parents thought that everything their babies do is natural and beautiful. I mean, you wouldn't say this about adults.
Why do people think you can get away with allowing babies/children everything?
I don't hate babies, but I hate it if they are being unpleasant and everyone who doesn't lies or is hard of hearing and unperceptive.

Anonymous said...

I agree that having kids at the movies is nearly always inappropriate. It's usually way too loud for them, to begin with.

As for the rest of your rant, I see your point but you might have made it better had you been slightly less acrimonious. You just came across as a child-hating jerk, even in your "clarification."

Sit-down restaurants and banks are places human beings go, and this includes babies and toddlers. Hell I would have you over to my house the next time I wanted to go to a movie alone, or perhaps stand in line at the bank for 30 minutes, without a child in tow ... if I didn't think you'd smother my kid.

I got to this blog because you won some award. Won't be coming back.

Anonymous said...

Tom is a douchebag. Just because "the human race needs to be perpetuated" doesn't mean you need to bring your stupid kid to the movies. Ever heard of a babysitter? Any self-respecting parent wouldn't dare bring his screaming shitbox into a theater, let alone stay when little Cody throws a fit. In sum, eat a dick, Tom. With parenthood comes some responsibility, and that includes not being the same "cool dude" you were before who goes out all the time, dragging his kid with like a boombox. Fag.

ScottishPrincess said...

As a parent who did not inflict her children on other people when they chose to turn into screaming, stroppy, little nightmares I can see exactly where you're coming from on this one. I loved my children to bits and tried to teach them manners but they have their limits and there are times when it's appropriate to leave them at home with a babysitter for the sake of your sanity and other people's. I wish everyone could learn when those times are.

Chucklyn said...

Hear Hear, Scottish Princess! There does indeed exist a balance.

Just as we, the writers of this blog, would never ever even hurt a child, let alone smother one (nor do we appreciate the assumption, Anonymous #2). Once again, you're missing the point that a number of other readers obviously get: the PARENTS are the problem. Not the kids. We don't hate kids, we quite like them, actually!

It's inconsiderate grown-ups we're not so fond of.

Oh and by the way -- we would not apply such an etiquette critique to a situation such as a bank teller line. You have no choice there.

We would agree that one must be able to conduct one's business, so no matter how unpleasant it might be (to anyone), you have full rights in our book to keep the screaming little tikki-tyke by your side. In fact, please keep them by your side!

Anyway, good luck avoiding our site, Anon#2! And good riddance!

Sadako said...

Can we bring babies to Babies the Movie? I keed.

I agree, though. Kids are necessary, but c'mon, do you really need to bring your infant to Land of the Dead? Crying does not add to the soundtrack!