Friday, January 28, 2011

Apartment Living 101: Neighbor Noise

Many thanks to for hitting the nail on the head with this one. Although there is room for a write-in on the bottom, we tend to think they pretty much just thought of everything! Passive Aggressive Notes would be proud ;^)

(Click to Enlarge)

(Click to Enlarge)

Photo Source:

Friday, September 10, 2010

Clipping Toenails: Get a Room!

Yet again, we're amazed this is somehow not common knowledge, so let's set it straight...

Unless you look like THIS:

You shouldn't be doing THIS in public!

Trim your fingernails and toenails so you're not a dirty ho.

Perform this action in public. Seriously, sicko.

Shoutout to Lori B. for the [indirect] suggestion. Good luck with your grotty office mate!

Photo sources:
Kittyface McGee from Weddingbee
Sicko McSickerton from The Straights Times Stomp

Friday, September 3, 2010

Anteater Etiquette

**Hint: they can has none.

5 Rules for Labor Day Weekend

1. Remember the Alamo
Er, the Pullman Strike. Yeah, that's what we meant. Anyway, know why we even have a holiday called Labor Day? Outsmart your hapless friends with the real-deal goods on our extended weekend:
The "Official" History of Labor Day from the U.S. Department of Labor and...
The Labor Day Wikipedia entry, including some insight such as some of President Grover Cleveland's reasons for creating the holiday and the political implications involved.
2. Travel Light
It's a three-day weekend, not a cross-continental European tour. For example: if you're traveling, take it easy on the shoes which are bulky and usually not all used anyway.

Side Note: unless you own a vagina, do not attempt to share #2 with any females traveling along. Just let it be, man. Let it be.

3. Pre-Work
This afternoon, perform (better yet, delegate!) a series of simple tasks that result in productions you can turn in on Tuesday on a staggered basis. This way, it looks as though you've been working on your first day back when you've really only been recovering.

Trust us: your boss doesn't want that effing report the day before his long weekend anyway.

4. Out of Office Messages
Set 'em now. You'll forget in your last-day-of-school haste to get the hell out the door. Don't forget the voicemail too, buck-o.

5. Don't be That Guy.
Which guy? This guy. Don't be him.

Hell, don't be this guy either:

Instead, be this guy:

And, as always, aspire to be this guy:

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Professionally Rude

Here's a hint for those of you who maintain "professional" social media outlets:

If you're rude to your followers, you'll not only lose them, but also cast an unfavorable shadow
upon your company. One would think this would be a no-brainer, but even some people within the social media sphere don't seem to understand this!

In particular, watch the use of phrases like "get over it," which are almost never a nice way to engage potential customers (except in jest) and you might want to reign in the snark in favor of having an actual conversation once in a while.

In the Information Age when everything's searchable in 0.00026 seconds, the written word holds some real power. Make sure yours isn't wasted being a jerk.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Babies at the Movies

Nothing ruins the moviegoing experience more than an inconsiderate parent.
...okay, we take that back. There are definitely some things that are equally as annoying and disruptive. But wailing, crying, whining, bitching chitlins are definitely up there.

Good 'ol twitter. We can always count on you to back us up. Perhaps twitter user @twoname sums it up best:

Of course, parenthood certainly shouldn't mean you can't do anything or go anywhere. But for the sake of Pete, keep your effing kid in line! This goes for toting toddlers along anywhere including, but not limited to: libraries, sit-down restaurants and banks.

Since some of you parentals can't seem to get the idea of consideration for your fellow patrons through your thick skulls, let us simplify it for ya:

Keep your damned kids to yourself.

We don't want to hear them, we don't want to play with them, it's not "cute" or "adorable" to have them come up to our tables when we're trying to dine in peace and hey - here's an idea: if they start crying or bitching, take them the hell outside!

This handy-dandy guide is useful in all situations and we suggest that you print it out and put it in your back pocket and tell all of your parental friends. While you're at it, have them all bookmark this site. Hell, if you don't already know this stuff you could probably use the rest of our advice so you don't raise your babies to be inconsiderate assholes.

Or Ashlee Simpson fans.
Nobody likes an Ashlee Simpson fan.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Airplane Manners 101

Thanks to Peter Shankman for the unintentional tip on this one: 
Airplane Manners.

We'll obviously need an entirely new tag / section for this (and perhaps a way for readers to text-message their gripes onto this page, come to think of it!).

Cruise at XX,000 feet en route to your destination

Cruise past XX number of people elbowing your way to the door upon landing.  


Check Shankman's Twitter site for more nuggets of truth, justice and the Shankman Way.